So, your ex is dating someone new now shortly after your breakup. It sucks, I know.
Just imagining the guy you are still in love with kissing a new girl makes you go crazy. Take a deep breath. Believe me, there is still hope of getting your ex back.
And if you want your ex boyfriend back even though he is already seeing another girl, you need to start looking at things from a new perspective.
First of all, you have to accept the fact that your ex is with someone new. Scaring/harassing the new girl away is not going to help. Don’t even attempt to go on Facebook to harass them or find out what they are doing with your ex recently. It will only make matters worse.
Okay, I understand that you just want your ex boyfriend to come back to you as soon as possible. But that’s not going to happen. As you are reading this blog post, I assume that you want a long and loving relationship with him.
And if you want that instead of just wanting him back for a short while, you should make him realize that you are the best option for him.
So how do you do that?
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Focus On Yourself
The first thing you need to do is leave your ex boyfriend alone. This is also called the no-contact rule. Don’t contact him for a month.
Don’t worry about him falling in love with the new girl. He won’t. This new girl is just a rebound and almost all of the rebound relationships end up in a breakup.
I know it’s a little hard to accept considering the small chance that this one does work out. But it’s a really small risk you have to take. And the reward for taking this small risk is getting your ex-boyfriend back for good.
Exception: There is one exception to this case and that is if you and your ex boyfriend had been dating for a very short time (like a month or two weeks). In this case, since your relationship wasn’t very strong in the first place, he is not technically with a rebound girl. He just went from one short term relationship to another.
In this case, I’d generally recommend you to move on from this short term relationship. However, if you really think he is someone special, then you can make the no-contact rule for just one or two weeks and carry on with the rest of the plan.
Again, don’t worry about him forgetting about you completely when you stay away. He won’t.
In fact, the more you stay away from him, the more he will miss you. I know he is with someone else, and you might think like he is just busy having fun with this girl to even remember you. But it’s not the case.
He is actually quite confused in his mind all the time and even though he might be trying to forget you, this rebound relationship is not giving him the time to actually work through his emotions and move on. You are still in the back of his mind. And pretty soon, when you contact him, you will be the focus of his attention.
“I can’t stand the thought of my ex being with this girl for a month. I have to take action right now.”
You might feel like the time is running out, but in reality you have a lot more time than you think.
OK, I know it’s a gut wrenching feeling. But you have to deal with it.
Breakup Post-Mortem
It is very important to analyze why you guys broke up and whether or not it’s really a good idea to get your ex boyfriend back. There are a few points that I would like you to consider before moving on to the next step.
Were you really happy in the relationship?
Did you have your freedom?
Did you trust each other?
Did you enjoy spending time with each other?
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A good relationship is based on trust and respect. Do you think if you and your ex got back together, you two will be able build a relationship with strong foundation?
Did he have communication problems?
Did he decide to just leave because he was not satisfied or he discussed his problems with you? Whatever the reason he left, you can fix that and get him back. But the next time he has a problem, will he run away again or will he try to work on the relationship?
Stealing Him from His New Girlfriend
Now, in most cases, the rebound relationship will end before the no-contact period is over. But, in case they don’t, you’ll have to “steal” him back from this new girl. After all, he was with you first right?
Of course, you are never going to ask him directly to break up with the new girlfriend to be with you (not until you are 100% sure he will say yes). But you have to build attraction with him while he is still with her.
Warning: Never bad mouth your ex ‘s new girlfriend behind her back. It will only backfire.
It might sound a bit bad stealing someone else’s boyfriend. But look at it this way, you are positive that he will be happier with you than he will be with her. You know you will treat him better than her. So why not do it?
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On the other hand, if you are planning to be a less-than-nice girlfriend and treating him with disrespect, then you should just let him be with his new girlfriend. But I know for sure that you are one that love your ex boyfriend otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
The Contact
OK, generally I recommend texting him after a few weeks because texts are more personal and chances of his new girlfriend finding out about these texts are lesser. Even if she does, it works to your advantage. We’ll get to that later.
Note: If you really messed it up after breakup, then I guess an apology is in order and a letter would be a good idea. And I mean REALLY mess it up – begging, crying, stalking, abusing, drunk calling type of mess up.
What To Say In Texts?
I will go over a few things that you must keep in mind.
Your goal is to build attraction using texts. That means no negative talk. Nothing about the breakup or the relationship. You want him to know that you are glad he was a part of your life and that you want him to be your friend again.
Now, while texting, he might bring up his new relationship. He might complain about his new girlfriend. Or he might ask your opinion about something. DO NOT BECOME HIS ADVISOR.
If you do, you will end up being friend zone and before you know it, he will always be discussing his relationship problems with you.
Now, you have to use this other girl’s mistakes as your advantage. Texting is perfect because you are in contact with him and she will have no idea. At the same time, if she does find out, they will definitely have a fight about it because she will be invading his privacy.
Since this is a rebound relationship, a few fights should be enough to break them off. However, if they persist, he will soon break up with her after you guys meet up.
Meeting Him
It is absolutely necessary that you don’t ask him out on a date. You don’t want him to feel he is cheating on his girlfriend. So, make sure you are just asking him to “catch up” or ” go for a coffee”. Make him laugh, have fun, show him how much you’ve changed for the better, show him the new you and he will definitely start wondering whether he is in a relationship with the wrong girl.
There are a few things you should remember while with him:
Never talk about his girlfriend. If he brings her up (which he probably won’t), change the topic casually.
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Don’t ask him to leave his new girlfriend. At least not until you are 100% sure he wants to be with you.
Do not try to sleep with him. You don’t want him to think that you are only interested in sex. Let him know that you want a real relationship and for that, he will have to commit. (Unless you just want sex, and he is up for cheating.)
Usually, during this process, he will decide to leave his new girlfriend and come back to you. But if he doesn’t, you have to ask him about it some time. That’s because being friends with him while he stays with his new girlfriend is not good for your emotional and mental health.
After you have spent enough time with him and he still haven’t made a decision, you have to be upfront about your intentions and tell him what you want. You will have to ask him to choose between you and the new girl. Tell your ex that you can’t be friends with him if he chooses to be with the new girl because it’s too hard for you.
I know it’s a tough thing to do, but if you did everything right till now, then I am pretty sure he is going to choose you.
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