The Fattening Rooms Of The Efik

Walk up to the young, Westernised bachelor in any of Nigeria’s big cities and ask him if bigger is better in choice of a bride. You’ll most probably get that quizzical stare and a coy smile that give you the sneaky feeling that your question is – well – silly (Hellooo! At least, you do sometimes watch beauty pageants, don’t you?). So, very likely your poll result would be: the modern African bride must be slim, curvy, and graceful; very much like an Agbani Darego, Oluchi Orlandi, Genevive Nnaji or a Tiwa Savage. 

But all that runs against the grain in the Efik tradition. Here, the pride of the groom is an obese bride just emerging from a fattening room; where she is subjected to an incredible six months session of no-work-and-all-food-and-sleep! So is bigger the better, according to this curious African marriage rite? 

Among the Efik, domiciled in large parts of Akwa Ibom and Cross River States, beauty is not always in the eyes of the beholder; but as defined by the fattening room marriage rites of the people. 

In this culture, the men are conditioned to have a preference for round, fat, overweight women which in their eyes is the epitome of beauty and symbol of desire, prosperity, wealth, homeliness, motherliness and virtue. Sometime easier pregnancy and fertility are associated with obese women, making the fattening room culture an important aspect of Efik culture and tradition.
Big is Beautiful

In contrast, slim women are seen as unhealthy, unfed and likely to have difficulty bearing children; and men who prefer them looked down on as tasteless, poor, too Westernised and, ultimately, un-African. 

Although as a result of modernity as well as the well-known health problems connected to obesity, the cultural practice of fattening room is not as rampant in that part of Nigeria as before, some African societies still view being fat as a symbol of status and power. In fact, some rich grooms or families pay for special "fattening rooms" for their bride to put on extra weight. 

Ethnic interpretations of what constitutes beauty in a woman aside, medical experts often warn that obesity comes with many negative attributes which are all health related like coronary heart disease, blocking and narrowing the arteries, high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, abnormal blood fat, metabolic problems and even early death through stroke.

But like all entrenched cultural practices, the Efik have their own compelling arguments why the curious marriage rites of the fattening room is a very important traditional and cultural event that symbolises wealth, prosperity, good fortune and beauty by the bride to her husband.

‘All Play and No Work’

The bride is subjected to seclusion for a long period – ranging from three months, six months to an entire year – and fed a large quantity of rich fatty food daily and allowed lots of sleep so she can gain excess weight and become obese. After the rites, your bride of just about 60kg will be well over twice that.

The foods the woman is forced to consume in large qualities, even when she has no appetite, are usually rich native delicacies loaded with calories like Ekpan Koko, Edika Ikong, Afang generously filled with snail, bush meat and fish, as well as meals consisting yam, rice, beans, cassava, and wheat. 

The woman’s entry into and eventual emergence from the fattening room is characterised by funfair celebrations and excitement. She is attired in traditional outfits, beautified in finery, colourful materials, beads around the waist, hair properly woven in cornrows and bangles on ankle and wrists. She may also be painted in earthy colours all over the body.

The isolation of the bride also means she gets no visitors either male or female (except minders) and is restricted to her immediate environment which could be a bungalow, hut, or small compound. Although, in modern times she may have a few home comforts to compensate for a likely feeling of boredom or loneliness. She may also be allowed to relish the taste of palm wine, undergo massages, spa and body treatment, stretching, rubbing of lotions, use of herbal concoctions and oils on the body.

But besides fattening her up for her would-be husband’s pleasure, the bride is taught other cultural traditions of her people by her minders, who are usually elderly women. 

This includes certain traditional wifely duties and expectations like how to cook some native dishes and properly care for her new family. She may also learn some traditional songs and oral traditions and be tutored in traditional art and crafts, manage funds and ultimately please her husband. 

Waning Tradition


In the olden days, sometimes a more sinister purpose like circumcision is carried during the fattening room rites as it was erroneously believed to aid child birth and reduce the likelihood of promiscuity. In more modern fattening room practices, this particular function is banned and long forgotten.

As glamorised as it may look, in the past the fattening room was not a journey to blissful pampering, indulgence, and sumptuous meals. In reality, the rite was tough, frightening, and forced on the woman. Thankfully, in modern times it is no longer compulsory. Only those bound by a need for tradition and the rich with a compulsive itch to be acknowledged as wealthy and healthy still carry out this Tradition

HILARIOUS: See What A Man Asked Jumia On Twitter

The current fuel crisis in the country is getting out of hand as some Nigerians are seeking solutions online.

We Must Question Sources Of Rich Nigerians’ Wealth –osinbajo

The Vice-President-elect, Prof.Yemi Osinbajo, on Friday explained how the Muhammadu Buhari administration would prosecute the anti-graft war, saying that Nigerians must question sources of wealth of the rich.

Osinbajo, while delivering the keynote address at the Abuja edition of The Platform, said the incoming administration would ensure zero tolerance for corruption by reforming the Justice system.

He said within the last few years, what the country had experienced was a situation where people got away with corrupt practices, noting that going forward; the incoming government would make sure that corrupt people suffer the consequences of their actions.

He said when people are made to suffer the consequences of corrupt practices; it would send a strong message to everyone that the era of looting of the treasury was over.

He said, “We have always talked about zero tolerance for corruption but it is also important that people are made to understand that there will be consequence for corruption.

“What we have seen so far is that there is hardly any consequence and people simply get away with it and if you get away with it often, it sends a message to everyone that there is no problem, and we need to fix that whole thinking that there has to be a consequence for corrupt practices.

“People have to explain, for instance, if you are a public servant, that how come you have 50 houses. Somebody needs to ask you those questions and some of the reasons people get away with that is our criminal justice system.”

He said in view of the fact that the incoming administration would be taking the fight against corruption seriously, one of the reforms that would first be carried out is in the judicial system.

The Vice-President- elect said the nation’s judicial system as presently constituted was slow, adding that this had made it easy for people to get away with criminal acts.

He said, “Our criminal justice system needs to be fixed. The system is slow and it almost always ensures that people who have been charged with offenses would not be tried forever and after a while people forget that people are on trial.

“We have to fix that criminal justice system to ensure that criminal trials are speedy and that anyone who is guilty of an offense will be punished for that offense.

“So there are so many initiatives around what we need to do in that area. The United States has 300 million people and they have 2.2 million people in jail. We have 170 million people and we have convicted people of just 12,000.

“Now if you add those awaiting trials, it comes to about 50,000 but actual convicted people are just 12,000. Truly it shows you that there is a failure somewhere of our criminal justice system, practically every one of us knows somebody who has stolen something.

“The truth is that the system of protection, investigation and trial of people is wrong and the truth is that everybody gets away with criminality in Nigeria and I think there is a need for us to review the system such that it begins to work.”

In the area of policing, Osinbajo said a country as big as that of Nigeria needed community policing.

He said it would be difficult for the Nigerian Police Force in its present form to fight crime in an effective manner owing to what he described as structural problems.

He said, “We need to look at law and order. The question of policing our society, how do we police this country? At the moment we know that policing is ineffective.

“If the police want to deal with the criminals, you and I know that they are hampered from doing so, they are hampered structurally, they are hampered by the fact that they are not as well equipped as they ought to be, and they are not resourced as they ought to be but the structural problem is the major one.


“A country of this size needs some form of community policing because criminality is always local, we need to have policemen who understand the local language, who live in the local community, who understand the language. So there is logic in it to have community policing.”

The event powered by Covenant Christian Centre had the theme: “Business and governance.”

Raymond Dokpesi To Buhari: Documentaries We Ran About You Were Factually Correct

The proprietor of Daar Communications PLC, Raymond Dokpesi, has stated that Monday’s decision by the President-elect, Muhammadu Buhari, to bar one of its subsidiaries, Africa Independent Television, from covering his activities was an attempt by the former military Head of State to bring back the era of Decree 4.
Mr. Dokpesi said Mr. Buhari lacks the power to stop the AIT from covering his activities, as doing so would amount to breaking the law.


Mr. Buhari as Head of State promulgated Decree 4, tagged Public Officers (Protection Against False Accusation) on March 29, 1984.

The law was drafted to punish authors of false statements and reports that exposed the Buhari administration and/or its officials to ridicule or contempt. Many journalists were arrested and jailed under the law.

Mr. Buhari’s party, the All Progressives Congress, APC, on Tuesday reversed the decision of the president-elect to stop AIT, saying all accredited media houses are free to report on his activities.

But speaking exclusively to PREMIUM TIMES Tuesday, Mr. Dokpesi stated that Mr. Buhari should be reminded that he cannot return Nigeria to the era of Decree 4.
“I am sure that the President-elect needs to be reminded of Decree 4, and he should be clearly reminded that section 32 of the constitution makes it mandatory for the media to hold public officials accountable to the people,” he said.

He also said Section 39 of the constitution equally grants Nigerians the freedom of expression and to hold opinion.

“The president-elect said that he does not want to be covered by AIT, but AIT has a responsibility to the Nigerian public to report the things that are happening,” he said.
“There are three national networks available for national coverage in Nigeria, the NTA, AIT and Silverbirds. You cannot stop a foremost private station from reporting in Nigeria, it brings us back to Decree 4 era.”
Mr. Dokpesi also acknowledged that Mr. Buhari may have taken his decision based the documentaries ran by the station during the electioneering campaign.

He said Daar Communications is a commercial entity and therefore reserves the right to run anything it considers worthy of being televised. He said there is also a right of response available to anyone who feels strongly about any matter broadcast by the station.
“If they had produced their own documentary to say this is what we want and AIT did not publish it, then that is another matter,” he said.

“What is obviously very clear is the fact that AIT believes that the historical information about the President elect that were ran, were factually correct. Nothing was done to defame him or impinge on his character or integrity.”

Mr. Dokpesi also added that another documentary about one of the national leaders of APC, Bola Tinubu were also factually correct.

The media proprietor said although the documentaries were produced outside of Daar communications, “We take responsibility for the running of these items and I as an individual is satisfied because due diligence was followed in ensuring that the things that are contained were factually right”.

How To Identify Real And Fake Micro Sd (Memory) Cards

According to reports from Sandisk, one third of all memory cards on the market are counterfeit.

Many buyers of counterfeit products find that branded SanDisk cards are actually re-branded inferior quality cards or cards of smaller capacity.

All genuine SanDisk memory cards should have a serial number and a manufacturing country's identity. You can not determine the authenticity of a Sandisk card from an internet stock photo.

You can not determine the actual memory capacity of a counterfeit memory card by simply viewing the capacity displayed by your computer, phone or camera. Counterfeiters fraudulently overwrite the cards internal memory with a false capacity which will display a false capacity on your device. Actual memory must be checked with a test program.

To check if your Micro SD drive has the capacity and speed stated, "H2testw" is a simple tool that is distributed for free, and offers a very simple, easy-to-use interface. The program can be used by anyone who wants to know how their actual product compares to others, the real capacity and the amount of errors that can be detected on the product.

The Secure Digital "SD" standard is maintained by the SD Association (SDA). The Secure Digital format includes four card families; the original Standard-Capacity (SDSC), the High-Capacity (SDHC), the eXtended-Capacity (SDXC), and the SDIO. The cards are available in three form factors; original, mini size, and micro size.

It is not unusual to find counterfeit and generic cards with memory substantially below what is printed on the card. If you don't check your purchase, you may lose content or damage your equipment.

The Secure Digital High Capacity (SDHC) format is defined in version 2.0 of the SD specification, and supports cards with capacities up to 32 GB.


 

4 Embarasing Mistakes That Led To Nokia Downfall

The downfall of Nokia is one that eluded all tech pundits and industry analyst. No one saw the heavy catastrophe that crippled the company which dominated the global mobile markets for a decade. Nokia is dead, and we will examine what caused the mistakes.

Nokia spent millions of dollars in the late 1990s, they saw the future of mobile phones and were equally poised to dominating it for eternity. Unfortunately, Nokia made dangerous decisions when they decided to attempt the smartphone race.

The Mobile phone giant foresaw the dooms day; it is unlikely to think that they didn’t. Unluckily, the response by Nokia to the technological trend failed to take the company forward.  These four costly mistakes by Nokia would prove to be the reasons why Nokia has seen it’s once dominant brand go into oblivion.

4. Ignored The Market

In 1998, Nokia over threw Motorola as the World’s biggest mobile phone vendor. Nokia continued to dominate and went on to become the largest mobile vendor for straight 14-years. Fast-forward to 2015, the whole scenario has changed! Nokia no longer has that prestigious crown, it has been toppled by Samsung.

Although, Samsung seem to have lost its course and charm. What befell Nokia may befall the South Korean company soon, because Samsung’s Mobile future is falling apart.

Nokia’s inability to make custom phones for the U.S market didn’t win itself many allies among the local carriers; this lead to a further decline in it’s market share. While other companies made friends in the US, Nokia was too conformable with the ego of being the World’s largest phone maker. It had loyal fans in Africa and other European countries, when these fans decided to jump camps, it spelt the beginning of doom days for the multi-billion dollar company.

In the Smartphone market share, Nokia is on a steady decline, while Samsung and Apple take the larger cut.

3. Ignored The Threat Of The iPhone

When the iPhone first launched in 2007, it sent shock-waves through-out the industry. It was a landmark achievement by Apple, seeing the massive leap from what the conventional Windows Mobile, Symbian and Palm OS had to offer.

Nokia was particularly blind to the threat of the iPhone. They saw the iPhone as an expensive piece of gadget that would not stand the test of time.

No doubt, the original iPhone was extremely expensive, but it soon became a mainstream gadget once Apple strucked a deal with AT&T; which saw the price fall to as low as $200. From that moment, every iPhone released has sold in millions. iPhone 6 and 6 Plus sales which were very strategic gave the guys at Samsung sleepless nights whose competing flagship, Samsung Galaxy S5 was an embarrassing flop.

The introduction of App Store on the iPhone tied consumers into a world of apps that worked on only the iOS. This cemented the dominance of iPhone, making Nokia phones look like toy.

2. Not Dumping Symbian

Nokia owns the Symbian OS which simply explains why they were literally stucked with the OS for so long. In 2007 when the original iPhone was released, it showed the weakness of the Symbian OS. In fact, Nokia’s Symbian OS was dated once the iPhone hit the store-shelves.

Symbia OS become a total joke  when Google’s mobile operating system; Android was released. Android was cross-platform, it gave other phone manufacturers a new bound-less mobile operating system to work with. Enabling them to compete against the iPhone, Nokia again, didn’t give a hoot.

Symbian OS still had enough juice, Nokia would have thought. That’s a genuine imagination, but Nokia’s loyal fanbase thought otherwise. They saw the age of Symbian OS, and were already jumping camps. Nokia only needed to act during that period but they didn’t, even Motorola which was lost in the Mobile industry found light once it adopted the Android operating system.

Immediately Verizon saw the events, they too gave the Android OS a major push in reaction to counter AT&T’s iPhone. HTC was quick to adopt Android and saw an immediate benefit. Sony and LG followed more slowly, and then Samsung but in a big way.

1. Choosing Windows Over Android

Nokia finally decided to dump the Symbian OS as their plans to create a new OS that would be distributed as an open-source was an utter disaster. That OS was Maemo.

Nokia wanted something entirely new, something hot and decided to stick with Intel’s Linux-based operating system – Moblin. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned, Mobiln was later merged with MeeGo which caused further delays.

Alleged AIT Ban: The True Story From An AIT Staff, Lara Wise

I want to, this morning appeal to all Nigerians, friends on Facebook, pro GMB, pro GEJ, anti GMB, anti GEJ, but lovers of this our beautiful country called Nigeria, to 'take it easy' like we normally say here. Take it easy, people. 
I have always said that the social media is a crazy place where irresponsible journalism is the norm. You don't believe me? Just start a rumour on your wall and see how many people will share and even claim they were physically present when your rumour happened.
BUHARI BARS /BARNS AIT... 
Thousands of you have shared this message. Let me ask you some questions. 
Where was AIT barred from? What was the event? What is the name of the crew that went to cover the assignment? When and where did this happen? 
I work in AIT so I'm privy to what some people are not but let me say this: this same AIT sent me to Daura to shoot a documentary on the president-elect. That is professionalism.
This same AIT foot the bill for this expensive project and gave me what I needed for this assignment.
This same AIT is working to see that the documentary meets international and professional standards and is already creating airtime for it. 
While in Katsina state, some overzealous aides, friends and sympathisers of the president-elect reacted to my presence in their state. The emirate council? Oh! You guys don't want to know how 'God delivered Daniel from the lion's den', literally. At a point, I had to hide my official car and moved around in an unbranded vehicle for security reasons, okay? 
But this same Buhari was informed that "AIT was on their soil" but his informants got the shock of their lives when he told them to allow us do our professional job. He told them to allow us access to whatever and whoever we needed to interview. At his command, we met everybody and spoke to them. In his family house, AIT was offered drinks but AIT turned down food because AIT was working. AIT took pictures with his sister, nephews and nieces. 
I have gone ahead to tell these two stories to show that we are fighting over nothing!!!! 
Absolutely nothing!!!! 
Whatever happened during the build-up to the elections were for that time and period.
Those 'aggrieved' have forgiven and let go. 
'Offenders' are doing the right thing now because the era of campaigns and lies are over!
After reading these stories, I do not expect anybody to be aggrieved anymore because the principal players have probably forgotten all about what happened. 
We have bigger problems on our hands, people. Bigger problems. 
Our Chibok girls are still missing, our refineries, hospitals, rail systems, schools, our pensioners, infant and maternal mortality rates, power, security, etc. 
Tell me, is it possible to drive a car on a high speed and be looking back at the same time? 
A few seconds on even the rear view mirror is recipe for disaster. 
Friends, let's keep our gaze on our mission.
Nigeria is bigger than any one of us. 
God bless our dear country!

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated

The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything.  It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep with a baby in the house.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.  I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.  I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.  Should I just forget about today?  Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while.  But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.

Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:

1.  You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).

I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.

So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need.  I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.

Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings of discouragement and defeat.

2.  It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering (be present).

This morning my mind was ruminating about every time and place other than the time and place I was in.  When I caught myself doing this, I brought my focus back to the present.

Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is,’ rather than wishing for and worrying about ‘what is not.’  ‘What is’ is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.  Think about that for a minute.  This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are in the present.

Although you can’t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.  In your response is your power.  In your power is your presence. 

3.  You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity).

We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are.  When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively.  People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism.  Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person.  My identity of myself as someone who’s motivated and productive and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning.  When I wasn’t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.

My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing.  I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too.  I’m not always motivated — sometimes I am, but other times I’m feeling lazy.  And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible.  The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile.  Then it doesn’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job – because I don’t always do a good job.  I make mistakes.  I am less than perfect.  And that’s perfectly OK.

4. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it).

I only have so many days left on Earth.  I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number.  I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing… a miracle.  And that squandering this miracle is a crime – a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.  And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it.  That doesn’t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.

Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things.  But just sitting around in self-pity isn’t helpful.  So I got up and took my 8-month old son, Mac, for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better. 

5.  Complaining is only making matters worse (find a solution).

When I get in a funk, I have a tendency to complain out loud to everyone around who’s close enough to hear me.  Obviously, this doesn’t help them, or me.  And as soon as I catch myself doing this, I force myself to shift gears.

The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.  Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.  Complaining does not work as a strategy.  We all have limited time and energy.  Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile.  And it won’t make us any happier either.

If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out.  (I forget this sometimes, which is why I’m writing it down again – to remind myself.)

Working as a life coach for the past decade with people who’ve suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

6. Feeling discouraged and defeated is a sign that it’s time to make a change (make that change).

It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits.  But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working.

When we feel discouraged and defeated, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame.  In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond.

Your life is your responsibility.  While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it.  And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change, which paves the way for positive action.  

7.  Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take a tiny step NOW).

It can be hard to get moving when you’re seriously stuck.  This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to illness and my breadwinning job.  It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I had the strength to push forward – when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself.  But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.

That’s what I did this morning too – I took the tiniest possible step.  Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence.  Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated.  And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.  And the end result is this blog post you’re reading now.

Closing Thoughts

Yes, I’m still feeling out of it, but not defeated.  I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.

I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you’d like to admit.  That’s OK.  We all do.  We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders.  We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we feel pain sometimes.

And this too shall pass.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What do you try to keep in mind to motivate yourself when you’re feeling discouraged and defeated?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights?

11 Types Of Ladies that are Single

Sometimes I do wonder if we still have a lady out there who haven't been taken, because all they tell you when you approach them, is that they are engaged. 
That's one of the biggest lies a lady tells.

Nevertheless, here are types of single ladies you will meet..

The career lady.

You are fiercely independent. You don’t
just have a job but a career, and no one has ever accused you of not having your poo together. You definitely want love in your life but you are like guys have weak egos that they’re usually intimidated by your success. What’s a girl to do? So, you just keep focusing on work, going on the occasional date when you can fit it in, hoping something will work out one of these days. And if not, oh well, your work is already basically the love of your life anyway.


The Cynic. 

You’re not a fool. You’ve been around the block once or twice and your bullshit detection system is so tight, it could have been built by NASA. When you meet a guy, you don’t fall hard and fast —
you actually assume he’s an asshole from the beginning and make him prove he’s not — you’ve had your heart broken a few times and, damnit, you will not let it happen again.

The Picky lady. 

You are the bomb so, of course, it
takes an extraordinary man to capture your attention. If he doesn’t check all the boxes on your ever-growing list, you can’t be bothered. Your friends say you’re being too selective but you disagree — you just have standards. You know what you want and you’re going to wait until he comes along.

The Serial Dater 

She always gives people the
benefit of the doubt, hoping each man she meets will be better than the last, and relentlessly tries to mould men into her concept of a perfect partner. It always fails.

You want to date everyone who comes your way, and you are like confused. You like everyone. That guy who’s totally boring? At least he has a good job. That guy who’s not smart at all? At least he’s fun. Your friends think it’s weird that you don’t have a type and accuse you of not having standards but you don’t care — as
far as you’re concerned, they’re just jealous because you’re always with someone.

The relaxed girl

Sure, it would be great to be in love
but being single is pretty amazing too. While your girlfriends are obsessing about how to find their next boyfriend, you’re happy living in the moment, enjoying your freedom. After all, this is the youngest you’ll ever be and you might as well milk it for every ounce of fun.


The Desperate Chick.

Like the Serial Dater, you’ll
give anyone a shot but your reasons are different. You’re tired of dating and scared to end up alone, and trying really, really, REALLY hard to get a guy, and maybe they v not been coming your way and you will give for just anyone who does. But hey, trying too hard is an
awesome way to end up with a terrible guy.

The Fatalist. 

You are done. Not done like The
Desperate Chick who’s just ready to accept anyone but DONE as in romantic comedies just straight up piss you off now because you realize what bullshit
this whole love thing is. You tried, it didn’t happen, and now you’re just going to chill in your apartment and let yourself go because why even bother? All
those people who are in love are eventually going to break up or get divorced anyway. You’re just saving
yourself the heartache.


The Mess. 

You don’t know what you want. As long
as you’ve had a few drinks, you’re happy and open to anything and anyone. Sure, you often end up in compromising situations — puking in the street, waking up at some random’s house, stumbling home in a daze — but that’s what you do when you’re young, right?

The Pragmatist. 

You’re all business. You’re not
looking for fireworks but for a stable life partner you can trust. And finding him is your part-time job. You believe it’s all about putting in the time and effort…
So, you’re focused and organized. you’re on all the dating sites and you go to all the right places. If you make this enough of a priority, and meet enough guys, one of them will eventually fit.


The Princess.

You have old-fashioned sensibilities and need a chivalrous guy. More than anything, you expect to be adored, taken care of and kept according to a certain lifestyle. Whether it’s sending you flowers, whisking you away for the weekend, or taking you shopping, the right guy for you will be the one who’s all about YOU.


The free lady

This is the girl who has been single for long enough to enjoy nothing more than her own company. She regularly indulges in self-deprecating activities like ordering drinks for herself, going to club at night all alone and all.



Single ladies, which of this categories do you fall into? 


Feel free to add more!

10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go

Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.

Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:

1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else.  It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not.  Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.
3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  That’s what love is all about – freedom.  However, the end of love is not the end of life.  It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.  If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it.  Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you.  Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait.  
4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance.  It’s about what you live for.  It’s about what defines you.  It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique.  It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.  It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.  People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever.  But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.
5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.  When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.  Either way there’s a positive outcome.  Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do.  In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you.  And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.
6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth!  When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back.  There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there.  Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them.  Let them leave your life quietly.  Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on.  We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do.  Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it.  Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets.  Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.
8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it.  Know when to close the account.  It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.  
9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate.  Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.  It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.
10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences.  

And the one thing you should never let go of is hope.  Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward.  Someday all the pieces will come together.  Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated.  And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”