Online dating is now the main way that a lot of couples, particularly those under 60, and it's gone from being a slightly nerdy, shadowy pursuit to something that people are quite open about.
My next door neighbours are happy to tell anyone and his dog that they met on facebook and they are about as conventional as it gets.
Over familiarity can be dangerous, however, so here is a quick recap of some online dating howlers to avoid...
1. Lying about your age
It seems obvious that this is NOT a good thing, but it's surprising how many people do it. Why? While you might find it get younger women or men to contact you, you're then left with a problem – when and how do you tell the truth?
Tell the other person too soon and they're likely to get cold feet and terminate the chat pretty quickly, leave it too long and it can get really awkward. Don't even think about trying to blame it on a glitch on the website – people aren't silly. Unless you want to risk spoiling a potentially nice relationship even before it starts, honesty is the best policy.
2. Over-editing your photo
This is another cardinal sin of online dating, second only to using somebody else's photograph altogether! Again, while a very 'breathed on' picture might elicit a bit more interest at the beginning, you are going to have to deal with the other person's surprise or disappointment when you fail to live up to all those polished pixels.
At the other extreme, don't post a poor-quality picture of yourself either, taken first thing in the morning or with curlers on. You are selling yourself on online dating sites, so take some tips from product photography – publish a picture of yourself taken in nice light, that shows you at your best, without breaking the trades descriptions act. Watch out for cluttered, annoying backgrounds or gurning 'wacky' friends making rude gestures, too. It's all about looking cool, classy and enticing.
3. Forgetting to mention you have kids
Are you for real? Don't you think the other person will find out about your baggage sooner or later? This is almost as bad as lying about your age and implies you are ashamed of your family when the other person finds out.
You can end up cooking up all kinds of implausible stories, but the end result is that you look ridiculous. Don't pretend that you own a big house when you rent a bedsit, either, or run a big company when you are actually the intern. Anyone looking for a serious relationship wants to know that the other person is sincere, and can be trusted.
4. Spending too long texting/sexting
There's a phase that couples go through – between the first mutual interest shown and the actual meeting – where they tend to chat online and text a lot. While this can be fun and flirty, it's a kind of false paradise; since you haven't actually met yet, all sorts of fantasies, hopes and expectations are being projected onto the other person.
It's far better to chat on the phone as soon as you can, then meet in person (taking all necessary precautions like meeting in a public place and telling a friend). If your date looks like Rosie Huntington-Whitely but sounds like Janet Street-Porter, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. Don't over-text either – you can come over as a bit desperate, and nobody likes to buy from a sweaty salesman.
5. Mentioning sex too early or cracking crude jokes
Unless you are hanging around a 'no strings' encounter site or escort marketplace, it's a good idea to avoid mentioning sex until you actually meet in person (and then be very tactful). Women are rightly suspicious of a lot of men who trawl online dating sites in search of an easy lay, and yes, some women do the same thing.
There's nothing wrong with wanting sex with somebody you meet online, but as with your choice of photograph, be subtle and classy about it. Playing it cool can even pay off on more 'direct' sites like Tinder, as it makes you seem more sophisticated and poised than you actually are.
Fart jokes (or anything else involving bodily functions) should be avoided too, in order to keep up the mystique. So telling that story about a friend who had sex and then farted on their partner is a massive potential fail...
6. Not proof-reading your text
As with the picture, it's important your text description shows you in the best possible light. It doesn't need to win a Pulitzter Prize, but do your best to avoid spelling mistakes and typos, so get a literate friend to check it. Common blunders include 'it's' rather than 'its,' there rather than their, and so on. Avoid emoticons and text speak as well, m8. It's not 2002.
7. Stay grounded
Finally, it's important to be realistic about online dating. Too many people go into it with very high expectations, and get discouraged when they don't meet Mr or Miss Right after a couple of months.
Be prepared to play a long game, and if you have to endure a few dodgy dates along the road, shrug them off and try and learn from the experience. There's a very good chance there is somebody out there for you, but you need to persevere. At the very least you'll be able to dine out on some of the funny stories...
My next door neighbours are happy to tell anyone and his dog that they met on facebook and they are about as conventional as it gets.
Over familiarity can be dangerous, however, so here is a quick recap of some online dating howlers to avoid...
1. Lying about your age
It seems obvious that this is NOT a good thing, but it's surprising how many people do it. Why? While you might find it get younger women or men to contact you, you're then left with a problem – when and how do you tell the truth?
Tell the other person too soon and they're likely to get cold feet and terminate the chat pretty quickly, leave it too long and it can get really awkward. Don't even think about trying to blame it on a glitch on the website – people aren't silly. Unless you want to risk spoiling a potentially nice relationship even before it starts, honesty is the best policy.
2. Over-editing your photo
This is another cardinal sin of online dating, second only to using somebody else's photograph altogether! Again, while a very 'breathed on' picture might elicit a bit more interest at the beginning, you are going to have to deal with the other person's surprise or disappointment when you fail to live up to all those polished pixels.
At the other extreme, don't post a poor-quality picture of yourself either, taken first thing in the morning or with curlers on. You are selling yourself on online dating sites, so take some tips from product photography – publish a picture of yourself taken in nice light, that shows you at your best, without breaking the trades descriptions act. Watch out for cluttered, annoying backgrounds or gurning 'wacky' friends making rude gestures, too. It's all about looking cool, classy and enticing.
3. Forgetting to mention you have kids
Are you for real? Don't you think the other person will find out about your baggage sooner or later? This is almost as bad as lying about your age and implies you are ashamed of your family when the other person finds out.
You can end up cooking up all kinds of implausible stories, but the end result is that you look ridiculous. Don't pretend that you own a big house when you rent a bedsit, either, or run a big company when you are actually the intern. Anyone looking for a serious relationship wants to know that the other person is sincere, and can be trusted.
4. Spending too long texting/sexting
There's a phase that couples go through – between the first mutual interest shown and the actual meeting – where they tend to chat online and text a lot. While this can be fun and flirty, it's a kind of false paradise; since you haven't actually met yet, all sorts of fantasies, hopes and expectations are being projected onto the other person.
It's far better to chat on the phone as soon as you can, then meet in person (taking all necessary precautions like meeting in a public place and telling a friend). If your date looks like Rosie Huntington-Whitely but sounds like Janet Street-Porter, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. Don't over-text either – you can come over as a bit desperate, and nobody likes to buy from a sweaty salesman.
5. Mentioning sex too early or cracking crude jokes
Unless you are hanging around a 'no strings' encounter site or escort marketplace, it's a good idea to avoid mentioning sex until you actually meet in person (and then be very tactful). Women are rightly suspicious of a lot of men who trawl online dating sites in search of an easy lay, and yes, some women do the same thing.
There's nothing wrong with wanting sex with somebody you meet online, but as with your choice of photograph, be subtle and classy about it. Playing it cool can even pay off on more 'direct' sites like Tinder, as it makes you seem more sophisticated and poised than you actually are.
Fart jokes (or anything else involving bodily functions) should be avoided too, in order to keep up the mystique. So telling that story about a friend who had sex and then farted on their partner is a massive potential fail...
6. Not proof-reading your text
As with the picture, it's important your text description shows you in the best possible light. It doesn't need to win a Pulitzter Prize, but do your best to avoid spelling mistakes and typos, so get a literate friend to check it. Common blunders include 'it's' rather than 'its,' there rather than their, and so on. Avoid emoticons and text speak as well, m8. It's not 2002.
7. Stay grounded
Finally, it's important to be realistic about online dating. Too many people go into it with very high expectations, and get discouraged when they don't meet Mr or Miss Right after a couple of months.
Be prepared to play a long game, and if you have to endure a few dodgy dates along the road, shrug them off and try and learn from the experience. There's a very good chance there is somebody out there for you, but you need to persevere. At the very least you'll be able to dine out on some of the funny stories...
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