11 most effective ways of dealing with depression

We can be sad from time to time. We can be stressed out and feel frustrated for a while. But that doesn't mean we are depressed. For us to be able to handle depression effectively, we need to have an understanding of what depression is, it causes and then treatment or solution.

First, what is depression?
Or let me rephrase the question: when do we say that someone is depressed?
Depression is a common mental disorder  that infuses one with a depressed mood, lost of interest or pleasure, decreased energy, feelings of guilt or low self-esteem, loss of sleep or appetite, and poor concentration. Depression usually comes with the symptom of anxiety.
Depression can also get to a chronic stage, and lead to substantial impairments in the ability of the individual to carry out his or her everyday responsibilities. And at it worst, depression could lead to suicide.
According to WHO, almost one million lives are lost yearly due to suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end his or her life.

Now I think we get the picture of what depression is all about, or at least some of it. There are multiple variations of depression that an individual may suffer from, and the most general distinction being depression in people who have or do not have a history of Manic episodes. Manic episodes involve elevated mood and increased energy, which can result to over-activity, pressure of speech and decreased desire for sleep.
There is the Depressive episode, which involve symptoms  such as having a depressed mood, loss of interest and pleasure, and always feeling fatigue. Depressive episode can be either mild, moderate or severe.
There is also the Bipolar affective disorder which typically consist of both Manic and Depressive episodes separated by periods of normal mood.

Depression can be caused by some factors or their combination, such as generic,environmental, biological, and psychological factors.

Well enough of theories already. Let us get down to business. What I think we want to know is ways by which we can effectively handle or manage depression. Below are 11 of the highly effective ways of handling depression:

Accept that you are suffering from depression
This is the first step to take. We don't have to wait for the worst to happen before we seek for help. As soon as you start feeling some of the symptoms I mentioned above, you might be depressed. Depression is a disorder of the brain that can be reliably diagnosed in a primary healthcare. You don't have to wait until you feel all of the symptoms above before you go do check up.

Seek the help of a professional
Once you have accepted or recognized that you are suffering from depression, the next step to take is to seek for help. Self  medication or using someone's prescription may not be a wise choice, if hardly a choice at all. Let a qualified doctor test you and give you the correct prescription for your case. Don't play smart, stay safe!

Do your homework 
At this stage the doctor may have told you the causes of your depression, give you prescription for your case, and probably advise you on some habits that you need to adjust. The doctor can only give you an advice, but the implementation is solely on you. No one should force or remind you to be taking your prescription drugs. But if they do, they probably love you too much and you shouldn't ruin that. You must keep in mind that depression can be treated with early diagnosis and substituent treatment.

You can start a journal
This is usually to keep track of your progression. But you can also write things that can help you stay positive and optimistic. If you love vacation for instance, you can make a list of several vacation destination you would love to visit, and try to paint bold pictures of you being there and allow the excitement to it creates to flush into your subconscious mind.

Get enough sleep everyday
This could could make a significant improvement on your mental health. Find a good sleep schedule that works for you. Don't just lay on your bed, get some rest. Be focus on your sleeping time table; have a particular time you go to bed and the time for waking up, and do your best stick to that. A glass of water immediately you wake up isn't a bad idea.

Exercise
Exercise is an antidepressant.  Exercising at least 20 minutes a day could help improve your physical and mental health. You can practice relaxation techniques, or go for a walk under a mild sunshine. You can also find a gym to workout, or you can do it with a friend. Whichever you decide, just have fun doing it.

Eat healthy food
You would have to improve your diet, and stop skipping meals. You may not have the appetite to eat sometimes, but you have to force yourself to eat something. You need to eat more fruits, leafy greens, beans, eggs, chicken, and also increase your carbohydrates intake, and add some vitamin B-complex. You can meet a nutritionist for a diet schedule if you may.

Have a supportive relationship
You don't have to handle everything all by yourself. Keep good friends who understand your state and are supportive. Keep a busy schedule. Have friends come around, go out and do whatever makes you happy and human. Don't talk about negative things, stay positive, stay focused. Positive friends can really make a big difference in your mental health. Your family should also be supportive of you.

Do voluntary service
This can make you feel useful and improve your self-esteem. You can visit orphanages or go help the elderly people. You can do community service that will make you feel excited. It will also expose you to more lights, because darkness and loneliness could trigger depression.

Pursue your passion
It's time to bring back to life the passion that you had before depression stepped in. But if you're not comfortable with tit, you can find new passion. A passion can be anything that you deeply care about. You may not necessarily be good at it, though. Your passion may be sports, or fashion, or tourism, or entertainment and so on. Whatever it is, go for it!

Think positive, talk positive
You can never overemphasise the power of positive thinking. Positive thinking is what yields positive talking. A negative mind seldom talks positively. You are what you make of yourself. Your word creates your world. Your mouth is equipped with a very effective weapon that can either make or mar you. Thinking positive thought reduces stress ans anxiety. It makes you energetic and full of zest.
You may also make a list of 7 things you should be grateful for everyday. And always be grateful not regretful!

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9 Reasons why your boyfriend takes you for granted

Does it not just make you want to explode when he starts acting like your not there? He probably isn't paying as much attention to you as you deserve or thought you deserve, and you may be wondering why.
Well there are reasons why a man would take his girlfriend or wife for granted and here are nine of them.

You talk to much A guy hate it when you bother him with every details of the latest everything. Well sometimes he might just pretend to be listening to you but if you keep at it all he will be hearing is "Blah blah blah.... did you even hear a word I said?''

 You lack ambition He want to hear you talk about your dreams. Guys usually have respect for a woman who knows exactly what she wants in life. if you prove to him that you're clueless about what you want to achieve, he will take you very likely.

You nag about everything Well he probably needs a companion not his mom. Don't always complain when he does his guy thing. Don't be like "Why did you do this or didn't do that?" You need to understand that he is a guy and isn't as meticulous to every detail as you are. Sometimes all you need to do is just let him be when he seems to not want to change, but if you keep nagging he will take you for granted.

Your cooking sucks There is a saying in Africa that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well some guys may not care about that, but if your man does he will probably take you for granted if you can't cook.

You have low self esteem There is a big gap between timidity and humility. You must be proud of who you are. No one can have confidence in you when you don't even have confidence in yourself. It doesn't matter what family you are from or he is from. If he doesn't appreciate you for who you are he don't deserve you. But if you take yourself for granted, he will too.

He is probably seeing someone else If your man starts seeing someone else behind your back, his attitude towards you is likely going to change. In this case he is the problem not you and there may be little you can do about it, except hope he changes.

You are not presentable He may probably never tell you this, but if he is only comfortable with you indoor it should suggest something to you. If you really mean what he claims then he shouldn't have a problem letting the whole world know about you.

You are selfish Don't only be concern about your own personal needs. If all you talk about is yourself and everything in-between then he will take you for granted. You have to show him that things about him are also of a priority to you.

You don't fit into his future plan You must learn to define your relationship from the start. Make sure there could be a future between you two or else you will end up wasting your time. If he doesn't talk about the future with you, you probably don't fit in there.

I Don’t Give A Damn What Obasanjo Says About Me

Former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar, in this interview with NIYI ODEBODE, JOHN ALECHENU and ADE ADESOMOJU, speaks on the expectations of Nigerians from the incoming administration of Maj. Gen. Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), his perception of former President Olusegun Obasanjo, among other issues

                       


The President-elect, Maj. Gen. Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), has acknowledged the fact that expectations of Nigerians from him are very high. How do you think he can meet these within the next four years?
Whenever there is a change in government in a democracy, whether in Nigeria or anywhere else, normally the expectation tends to rise. It is not unexpected in Nigeria, particularly when this is the first time in our democratic process that we are witnessing a smooth change in government from the ruling party to an opposition. Therefore, expectations are much higher within the normal circumstance of change.

After several shots at the presidency, will you still present yourself if the opportunity avails itself to you again?

It is quite too early for such a question. We are in a transition process. We have not even formed the next government. You are asking me whether I will like to run again or not. I think it is just too early. My concern is to make sure that the transition process is smooth and complete and a new government is formed because it is the party that I belong to that is coming in. My dream for Nigeria is always that we can, from time to time, change government so that there can be competition among parties and that competition will bring about, perhaps more development and progress in the country. I think that is my most important concern now rather than thinking of whether I’m going to run again or not.

Why is it taking your party so long to decide on zoning?
I think that is one fundamental thing Nigerians tend to forget. There is no zoning in the constitution of the All Progressives Congress. In the true sense of it, there is no zoning. But we also know that this country is between North and South, Muslims and Christians. It is a multi-ethnic, multi-religious country; hence there is the need for balance of government appointments. We are not unaware of that. In the strictest sense of it, there is no zoning in the APC’s constitution. It is in the Peoples Democratic Party’s constitution and it has a long history. Those of us who were in the Constitutional Conference of 1994, 1995 actually initiated it.

What are the pitfalls the APC must avoid to steer clear of the fate that befell the PDP?

There are quite a few and fundamental ones that I will urge the APC government to avoid. Firstly, the political party should be allowed to freely operate on its own so that the issues of governors and the president being the leaders of the party and also the leader of government can be separated. It is only when one does that that internal democracy is allowed to thrive within the political party. Internal democracy is the building block, but when one mixes the two (leadership of political party and that of government), then one will find oneself where the PDP has found itself in the last 16 years.

Secondly, the governors and the president must be focused on key fundamental issues of governance. If they want to make an impact, for instance, in the first 100 days, three months, six months, as the case may be, they have to pick up certain key areas and also let Nigerians know that in the first 100 days, this is what you should expect from us. For instance, in my policy document, when I was running for the presidency, I said in the first 100 days, this is what you should expect from me. I think it will be necessary for the government to tell Nigerians that this is what you should expect from us in the first 100 days and so on.

What is your take on the prediction that the APC would be torn apart by the struggle for positions in the incoming government?
I don’t believe so. I think we have come across a number of challenges since the formation of the APC. I believe that government is not essentially an employer of labour. It should create the necessary environment for the private sector to create jobs. I think there is too much emphasis on government employment or government patronage in this country. This is because various levels of governance, whether local government or state, don’t function well. In other words, it is the failure of our institutions. If one goes to certain countries, one doesn’t find the president even having one visitor. For instance, I have visited my brother and friend, Jacob Zuma, several times. You don’t find even one single individual sitting with him and he goes out like a normal person because the institutions are working. The local councils are working. The provincial governments are working, everything is okay. Thus, whatever one is looking for at any level of one’s life is being provided for by the institution that is established to do it. Therefore, one doesn’t need the big man at the top. But unfortunately in this country, all our institutions are not working. They have been undermined. The constitution is very clear on that. But because the implementers of the constitution have not implemented the constitution as they should, the institutions are failing or have failed. Therefore, everybody looks up to the president to solve all the problems. No, that should not be. That is why we have local and state governments. Hence, I think we have to strengthen our institutions and make sure that they deliver services to their respective people.

The President-elect, like many other Nigerians, believes that corruption has reached an intolerable level in this country. Do you share the view that he (the President-elect) cannot achieve much in tackling the menace as he has promised because he is surrounded by many politicians that are also accused of being corrupt?

I think it takes political will to fight corruption. I have sat down with the President-elect and I believe he has the political will to do that. He told me clearly that anybody who is corrupt should not expect any appointment from his government and I agree with him. I also told him that if he really wants to cleanse this society, he should not make the mistake of trying to appoint anybody who is alleged or perceived to be corrupt and he can do that by making sure he gets the necessary information from the relevant government agencies. So, I believe he has the political will.

Apart from the area of appointment, what other specific areas must he explore to ensure that corruption is curbed?
Corruption has become so endemic in this country that any level of the society one goes to, it is present. Even in my house, my wife is always fighting with the drivers; fighting with the mechanic; fighting with the cooks. When she gives them money to do this or that, they do fake receipts and all that. Therefore, corruption is so endemic in the society, even in households. But then, if the political leadership provides the direction, the leadership and the will to fight corruption, one will find out that gradually we will be eliminating corruption and we will bring it to a minimal level. There is no society where there is no corruption, even in the advanced democracies there is corruption, but at a very minimal level. It is not threatening their progress as a country.

Still on corruption, you once said that you were one of the most investigated Nigerians. If the President-elect says, again, he is going to investigate the cases against you, will you be afraid or worried?

I’m not worried. You can investigate me. But you know most of my cases have ended up in the court up to the Supreme Court and the apex court has ruled on them. Thus, for you to reopen a case that has been closed by the Supreme Court … but I am ready to be investigated.

Before the general elections, President Goodluck Jonathan visited you. The picture that was being painted out there by his loyalists was that you gave a tacit approval for his second term bid. Can you use this opportunity to tell Nigerians what really transpired between the two of you at that meeting?

I have told Nigerians what transpired between the two of us. He wanted me to come back to the PDP and I said I was not coming back.

There is this story that the PDP is being repositioned and that the party is reaching out to you and Governor Rabiu Kwankwaso of Kano State. If the party leaders reach out to you, will you return to the PDP?

Nobody has reached out to me yet. And for the question of if I would go back or not; how many people will the President go to their houses to say, ‘This is the favour I want’ and they will look at him in the face and say, ‘No, we are not going back?’ How many in this country will do that?

Your former boss, ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo, said so many not-too-complimentary things about you in his latest book, ‘My Watch’. Have you both met since then?

You know, really, I don’t give a damn (about) what Obasanjo says about me.

You talked about South Africa working. Do you think that the concentration of power in the hands of the Federal Government is undermining the development of the country?

There seemed to be better service delivery by the government during the period we ran the regional government system. I had said that in my paper to the last Constitution Conference. I wrote a very comprehensive paper on that. I believe that the powers of the Federal Government are too many and there should be power devolution to the state and local governments.




Still talking about former President Obasanjo, do you think he scuttled the best chance you ever had to lead this country as president?

I don’t think so. How? When?

Your second term with him as Vice-President between 2003 and 2007 was stormy and he did everything to stop you from succeeding him as a result of which you left the PDP for the then Action Congress.

As far as I am concerned, Obasanjo may believe that he scuttled my presidential ambition, but I believe it is about God. If God says I will be president, I will be president; if He says I will not be president, I will not be president. Let’s forget about Obasanjo.

You chaired the privatisation committee and you did a lot in various sectors, including telecommunication, by laying the foundation. I can’t remember you handling that of power…

I refused to handle that of power.




Why did you refuse?

I refused to because I had a fundamental disagreement with the President (Obasanjo). He believed we should go left; I believed we should go right. He said I should become the chairman of the committee, I accepted. He inaugurated it, but I never sat. I allowed the Minister of Power then, Liyel Imoke, to sit. You can see that I was right because I told him what we needed was short-term, medium-term and long-term solutions to the power sector reform. He wanted to go for the long-term and up till now, we are not yet there. If we had adopted the short- term and medium-term solutions to our power problem, we would have been self-sufficient by 2005; even before we left office; because that strategy was planned for small and medium power stations in various parts of the country. We had even harvested international bids: people, who were prepared to come and invest $500m, $250m to set up small and medium -size power stations. By now, we would have been self-sufficient, but he said, ‘Oh, we must go gas’ and I said, ‘Gas? There is a problem. It’s long term; a lot of investments. There is instability in the region (Niger Delta). You must bring peace, before they would allow you to evacuate the gas. There is the issue of building the gas infrastructure, which takes a longer time and also a lot of investments and that I don’t see us even getting there in the next 10 years.’ But he said, ‘No, this is the way I want. We must go that way.’ I said, ‘Ok, fine, you are the President,’ and I declined to sit on the power committee till we left office. That is why when there was an investigation by the National Assembly; nobody invited me because my name was never there. Contracts were awarded and paid 100 per cent upfront; people disappeared with the money, and even stole, yet no power. I stand by this: We must have short- term, medium-term and long- term power solutions.





Is that why you recently called for the reversal of the privatisation of the Power Holding Company of Nigeria?

How does one begin to privatise distribution? Distribution of what? There is no power. First of all, one should start with generation. When one starts with generation, then transmission follows. After there is enough power, then one knows that one has the capacity to transmit and then one can now distribute. But they started with distribution, distribution of water or what? I mean, one can’t do that. Now we have privatised distribution, where is the power to distribute? No power! And they borrowed money from the banks to go and set up these companies. They said the Federal Government gave billions to encourage the privatisation; now they are not recouping the money. They have huge loans. There will be interest and there is no power to distribute. They have also increased electricity tariff when there is no power.

Some people have called for the removal of fuel subsidy while oil price in the global market has crashed. Are you in support of this and what must the incoming government do to diversify the economy because almost all the states have problems?

First and foremost, I was in charge of deregulation and we had started. If we had continued our programme, we would have finished deregulation before our government left office. But unfortunately we did not. Thus, as far as I am concerned, I’m in for full and total deregulation in the downstream oil sector. Let the market determine (the economic needs).

Believe me, we are complaining now because there is subsidy. By the time one deregulates and opens the market, everybody is free to bring in these finished products and sell, there will be competition and the prices are even likely to come down. I am for deregulation. There is no doubt about it because at the end of the day, I think that is the best for the country.

On the issue of the prices of petroleum, I don’t think $50 is too low because when we came in, how much was it? $20? Yet we were able to implement our programmes. Therefore, it is all an issue of planning. Of course, governments, both military and democratic, over the years have always been talking of diversifying the economy, but no government has really focused on the issue of diversifying the economy so that the reliance on oil can be reduced substantially. When we go back to the Gross Domestic Product, we know oil is just about 15 to 20 per cent; the rest is either services or this and that. But then, I believe the diversification of the economy would have been much better for us if we had done it a long time ago.

Do you have any pact with the APC leadership or the President-elect for you to nominate people into positions in the incoming government and what roles will you play in the next administration?

There is no pact. Essentially, I am a party man. Therefore, I will do wholeheartedly whatever the party decides I should do or that I should help in doing.

At the APC primaries you were expected to win, but you were in a distant third position.

No! With 20 votes.





But did you suspect any conspiracy?

As far as I am concerned, the APC primaries have become history. We have gone beyond that. I have endorsed the outcome of the primaries. I said the process was successful. That is it.

Talking about forming the next government, do you support reducing the cost of governance by cutting down the size of government in the country?

Yes, I believe that particularly, the Federal Government should cut down on cost. If we devolve more powers to the state and local governments, obviously we don’t need a very unwieldy government structure as we have. There is too much at the federal level – too much to do.

How many ministers should the President-elect appoint? The constitution says a minister must come from each state of the federation?

One cannot avoid constitutional provisions. One has to be law-abiding so he (the President-elect) has to go by the constitution as far as the issue of ministerial positions is concerned.

7 Effective Relationship Clues for Men

There are guys who really know how to blow it big time just when the lady is about to lend out her heart to them. If you really want to have a working relationship; a relationship that both of you can enjoy, then you are in the right place. I'm not going to bore you with the science and psychology of a relationship. You don't really need all that. What you want to know is how to win a girl's heart and
keep it safe I suppose. well, that's sometime you can work towards; it takes time. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. What people often call a perfect relationship is simply two mature individuals who have agreed to keep off from each other toes even when it's difficult to ignore; and that demands patience and tolerance - I mean lots of it!

Here are 7 relationship clues that can help you have a more stable relationship:

Listen to her
Yes! listen to her. I'm not talking about hearing all she has to say, truth me that can make your head to explode. What I mean is to pay keen attention. There is a difference between hearing and listening. You hear words and sounds, but if you listen you will hear what she is saying and other things she can't find words to articulate; which you can easily miss if you don't listen.

Know what calms her down
Some ladies actually do have temper issue (guys too), but that doesn't mean she isn't worth dating. If you are dating such girl you have to work extra hard. Don't just know what calms her down, but learn also how to avoid what flares her in the first place. We all have our vulnerabilities. We may not be good at everything. It's good to know how to calm her down, but even much better to know how to avoid the things that pisses her off.

Learn her own definition of love
If there is something you should know, it is probably that we all are unique. You have to learn her definition of love and give it to her that way. If she loves you always being around, or taking her out or so, then you had better be ready to do that. There are different strokes for different folks. Don't expect her to be like someone else, perhaps your friend's girlfriend. Treat her the way she want to be treated if you really want the relationship to last.

Respect her
You have to give her the respect that she deserves. Talk to her in a calm and soothing tone. Keep your aggression for you enemies, if you must. She is a woman and not your slave. Be patient with her, help her out with some house chores. I have learnt that the best way to get respect is to give respect.

Treat her as you were in the beginning
You know how it were when the love first started, don't change that. Don't make her feel used. Call her, text her, buy her gifts. Just do all those sweet things that made her fall in love with you in the first place.

Don't ever compare her with some other girl
If there is something that really ignite the anger of a woman, it is to be compared to some other woman by her man. Don't fool yourself thinking that you are trying to get her jealous, because you might just succeed and that may be the biggest mistake of your life. She is who she is period.

Don't assume that you know what she want in bed
You know what they say that assumption is the mother of all fk-ups. Stop trying to impress her, just let her guide you through it. Every woman needs in bed differs; some what it hard and rough, while some want it slow and steady. Make sure you know exactly what she want and how she want it. Remember that her needs in bed may also differ from day to day. Effective communication is very paramount in achieving s*xual satisfaction for the both of you.

How to Effectively overcome Relationship Mistakes

Not surprising, relationship issues are a common reason for seeking therapy. Being skilled at helping 
clients fill in the missing gaps and execute meaningful changes are the foundations of the therapeutic relationship. According to New York psychotherapist, Jonathan Alpert (link is external):
"Dwelling in childhood dynamics or dramatic exchanges between partners is rarely effective. In fact, it can be toxic to the client’s ability to problem solve and make a choice.

If a patient comes to me and tells me she’s been unhappy 
with her boyfriend for the past year, I don’t ask, as some might, “How do you feel about that?” I already know how she feels about that. She just told me. She’s unhappy. When she asks me what I think she should do, I don’t respond with a return interrogatory, “What do you think you should do?” If she knew, she wouldn't ask me for my thoughts.

Instead I ask what might be missing from her relationship and sketch out possible ways to fill in relationship gaps or, perhaps, to end it in a healthy way. Rather than dwell on the past and hash out stories from childhood, I encourage patients to find the courage to confront an adversary, take risks and embrace change. My aim is to give patients the skills needed to confront their fear of change, rather than to nod my head and ask how they feel."

In the spirit of quickly and incisively getting on the right side of healthy relationships, here are eight tips:

1. Be willing to get hurt.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.” ~Brené Brown
You know you’re an emotionally evolved person when communicate your feelings openly and honestly. There’s no hiding behind insecurity, bravado or a blunted affect in order to save face. The biggest risk you in life is putting your heart on the table and knowing it could be left there when a shinier, newer and s*xier heart comes along. But as painful as rejection is, do you want to risk agonizing on your death bed about the one who got away?

2. Err on the side of kindness.
“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.” ~Albert Schweitzer
Our emotional brain and our physiology are most negatively impacted following a harsh exchange from those to whom we are most attached. According to researcher and psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, a mean word or a tiny facial contortion of contempt or disgust, is enough to speed up the heartbeat in the person to whom the comment is targeted. Conflict in couples is inevitable, and kindness should be, too.

3. Take ownership of your emotions.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
A popular tenet of cognitive-behavior therapy is your thoughts cause your feelings, not people or things. This can seem counterintuitive after a heated argument, but you do have control over how you respond. To reclaim your rational footing, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my thinking based in fact?

2. Does my thinking help me achieve my goals?

3. Does my thinking help me feel the way I want to feel?



4. Embrace independence.
“Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.” ~Leo Buscaglia
Partners who embrace their own interests and experiences have a healthy identity. It’s okay to have your own friends and not feel pressured to share everything with your significant other. This does not mean you lie about your whereabouts, but you maintain a bit of distance and mystique. Love should be an ongoing process of discovery, and this is impossible if your partner expects a run-down of who, what and where, when you’re apart.


5. Fall in love with discretion.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ~Oprah Winfrey
When things are going well, life is smooth, everyone’s happy, and it’s easy to miss the signs. Pay attention to your partner’s actions, more than their words. A person’s behaviour will tell you everything you need to know about them. Especially when the going gets rough.

6. Listen, listen and listen.
“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Listening is an art. The aim is to understand, to learn something, or to get clarification. Just because you stopped talking doesn't mean you’re in the exchange. Often our heads are so full of questions, ideas and comebacks that we’re not taking in what the other person is trying to say.
Reflection is a therapeutic technique which works wonders: “So if I'm hearing you correctly, you would like me to ask first before inviting friends over to our home, is that right?”

7. Keep your relationship off Facebook.
“Facebook: Ruining relationships since 2004.” ~unknown
Sharing relationship woes on social media guarantees sympathy and words of wisdom and encouragement. Confiding to a real life friend in a cafe is vastly different from putting it out in the cloud forever. A true friend respects boundaries and keeps others out of the dramatic fray.


8. Breath
“I often wondered why it is that when I get hooked, when I'm resentful for example, and I breathe with it instead of acting out, it feels like I'm sitting in the middle of the fire. I asked Kongtrul Rinpoche about this. He said, ‘Because by not doing the habitual thing, you’re burning up the seeds of aggression.’ ” ~Pema Chödrön

A simple deep breath is a powerful salve for calming the nervous system, and avoiding the trap of overreacting in the heat of the moment.

When you fall get back up

Life is like a race. We are either running from or toward something. At times the journey might seem really demanding, and at that point we may want to consider an easy route and quit. The thing is, you can get beat down, you might feel crushed and
even defeated. But don't you dear give up! Life seldom favours quitters. You can achieve whatever you want, if only you learn how to get back up each time life pushes you down.

You are not a loser until you quit, until you give up on your dreams. The worst thing that could ever happen to your dream is neglect. Know exactly what you want, and then give it your best shot. The big shot are just the small shot who kept on shooting!

You don't need anyone for your self defination

What people think about you isn't nearly as important as what you think of yourself. I always encourage people to
be proud of who they are in spite of what everyone around them thinks. If you keep letting other people be the mirror throw which you view your world, you're not going to like what it would reflect. Don't be people conscious. Stop lending your ears to what that negative fellow has to say. If anyone tells you that your're not beautiful, just smile and ask them when last they went for an eyes check up because they probably need one. You are simply what you make of yourself!